*subtle hints of self hatred in everything i say*

You will be shocked, kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever.

That’s why, when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it.

How I Met Your Mother  (via saintofsass)

(Source: studiosixty)

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Brand New Moshi Moshi

Are you thinking of me when you’re putting on your makeup, darling and dying your hair like you do ?
Well you’re wasting time if you’re trying to impress me
I waste all my time just thinking of you


Not sure if I ever posted a picture of my birthday cake but here it is






And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.”

And Abraham replied, “What.”

God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.

And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, “The one whom I kiss is the one you seek.”

To which they responded, “Gay.” 

And thus, god made Eve. And she was bammin’ slammin’ bootylicious.

see you all in hell